Cooking as an Art or a Weapon
by PhantasmFlash
Summary: Nu has finally decided to cook something...what kind of shenanigans shall happen this time? Read and find out. Please R&R


**Cooking as an Art…or a Weapon…**

* * *

Ragna, Noel, and Rachel were all looking scornfully down at the girl covered in spices, sauces, and other miscellaneous foodstuffs sitting on the couch. The girl in question, Nu, had messed up big this time. There was a gaping hole where the kitchen once stood and to top it all off, Ragna's favorite jacket was vaporized in the confusion of what had happened that day.

"Nu, just what do you have to say for yourself? You killed my best friend today, you know?" Ragna said as he looked at a picture of his fallen fashion statement. He bent over and started wailing and pounding on the ground. Noel leaned down and pat him on the back while brushing her slightly singed hair from her face. Nu just smiled and answered with that happy tone she normally had.

"Nu was just cooking for everyone. Nu thinks it came out very well, and we even got a show from it. It was like BOOM and BAM and WHEEEEE!" She yelled throwing her arms all over the place like a little kid describing a flying dragon rider destroying things and flying away like WHOOSH. Rachel grimaced and sipped her tea that she seemed to pull out from her long, black dress.

"Nu, you are just being deplorable. There is no good excuse for what you have done. We now have no kitchen which to prepare high quality meals for a lady such as myself. Not to mention the filth and the little girl over there." She said through menacing slits in her eyes. She really didn't play when it came to her tea time pastries and such. She sighed and set her teacup down on the coffee table when she finished it and chuckled. She turned to Nu again and as she did the teacup shattered.

"Eep…Rachel, are you ok?" Noel yelped as she could feel the aura emanating from the smaller girl. She thought she saw the face of a demon in the space right behind her. This might become a bloodbath really soon if Rachel didn't calm down.

"Hey I know! How about I make you some of my famous chocolate mousse? That would make you feel better right?" Noel pleaded with her so she didn't bring the rest of the house down on them.

"Foolish girl. Just where do you plan on making this? In case that brain you have can't comprehend a situation for more than five minutes, I shall remind you. We have no kitchen and I also don't feel like dying from your atrocious cooking today. Need I remind you the last time you cooked?" Noel hung her head and started wailing with the still crying Ragna. Rachel shook her head at the site. These two were complete idiots.

"Now, Nu, what shall your punishment be for what you have done? Should I dip you in honey and hang you in the woods? Or how about dressing you in a Team Magma uniform and dropping you in a Team Aqua base?" She said as her eyes turned slightly dreamy. Nu actually got a cringe from this. She was actually a little scared of her.

"Nu still doesn't know what Nu did wrong." She said thinking back to the events that happened a little while before.

"Hmmmm…" She cocked her head as she thought hard what could have happened. It all started when she decided she was going to make lunch for everyone.

* * *

 _Nu was humming happily to herself as she tied her hair up and put an apron on like she saw the girls do on TV when they started cooking for their families. She wanted to make something good for her friends since they were always so nice to her._

" _Ok! Nu will make the best lunch ever and they will be asking Nu for more and more all the time." She said with a fist pump and slapping herself in the cheeks._

" _Time to start cooking. So today on Cooking with Nu we are gonna add some magic to the dish like so." She said in a sing song voice trying to mimic what she saw on TV. She took everything she could find in the kitchen and threw it into the pot and cranked the heat up to max. She laughed maniacally while stirring with all of her might._

" _They will have no choice but to love this meal. Nu will make them love it. Nu will even love them loving it….LOVE!" She laughed more. In the corner of the room, Noel and Ragna were cowering behind a corner wondering what the girl was doing in there. Noel sniffed a little while Ragna just tried to shrink as much as possible._

" _Shhh…Noel, she will hear us, then we will be in big trouble. Man, my jacket is in there. I really want to get it but I don't want her to see me….Wait for me, my closest friend…" He said as he pulled a picture from his pocket and looked at it longingly._

" _Ragna, what is th-OH MY GOD!" Noel screamed as a huge explosion ripped through the house. The last thing she saw before whiting out her vision was the image of a red coat being vaporized and Ragna falling to his knees in stupor._

" _NU HAS DONE IT!" She yelled as she flew headfirst into the living room sofa having her head embedded between the cushions. Ash and singe marks covered her apron and you could hear her muffled laughter from inside the couch. She continued laughing until she was yanked out by some rather distressed looking friends of hers._

* * *

"See, Nu didn't do anything wrong. She just made lunch." She said opening her arms wide like she wanted a hug for something she had done. Ragna and Noel looked up and then both of them got up and stared at her.

"Nu, go learn proper cooking technique and then come back." They both yelled in unison before storming off to their rooms. Rachel was still standing there with a dark aura surrounding her. Nu felt a tingle go down her spine as Rachel's gaze went back to her.

"Now, Nu, be a good girl and sit here while I go prepare your punishment. I promise it will be worse than the ninth circle of Hell to match the crime you have committed this day. She twirled and laughed as she walked down the hall muttering to herself what she was planning to do. Nu stood up and in one motion somehow changed out of the singed clothes and clapped.

"Now, Nu will make dinner for everyone. Nu doesn't need a kitchen when she has THIS!" She said as she pulled a grill from malletspace and started to load it with charcoal and other things that should be considered taboo in the world of cooking.

"Now it is time for Cooking with Nu: Return of the Armageddon Chef!" She said laughing. Off in the distance you could hear Ragna and Noel crying and shivering wondering how they could ever come out again after this traumatic incident.

"My buddy….I will avenge you somehow…"

* * *

 _ **END**_

 _ **Author's Notes**_

 _ **Here is a less feelsy story in turn for a comedy. I haven't written any of these types in a long time either so I am changing up the pace. I hope you all enjoy it. Please R &R**_

 _ **-PhantasmFlash**_


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